I feel like it has been forever since I blogged anything. I am so sorry that I have been so quiet but the last several days have been more then I could handle. My daughter had her dance recital this weekend. She also had the prom this weekend. We also gave her an extra special gift this weekend – her first car. We had found it a week ago but because my hubby is working 2nd shift we didn’t want to give it to her and him not be home to see it. We decided that we would give it to her for her recital gift. My husband tied the keys to the end of some balloons and after the recital gave them to her. She was so excited. I do think the only person more excited was her father.
Needless to say my very long, hard week was not over once the last dance was done because here we go again. We are in week two of dance recital and let me just tell you I don’t know when I have ever been so tired. I literally went to be so tired Friday, Saturday and Sunday that I felt like crying. Which this morning I got up extra early and fixed my coffee then took it, my bible, journal and pen out on the back porch and did just that – had a good cry. I was so tired and I knew the same week that was behind me was for the most part ahead of me again. No, there isn’t any prom but there is a new bible study and there are a couple of ball games. I even got a call today reminding me of dentist apt. for my kids. Oh Joy. Well I just sat out there on my porch this morning begging God for some kind of mercy and relief. I started listing all the things I had to do as well as the things I would like to do. Then I started listing questions.
Lord – How can I do all of this?
Lord – Why did you put Kevin back on 2nd right now?
Lord – When am I going to get my exercise in?
Lord – Who can help me – other than just my dad?
Lord – Where can I leave something off?
Lord – What can I do to glorify you in the mist of it all?
These were my questions. Then I opened my bible and started reading in Ecc. 3 where it talks about there is a time for everything under the sun. Well if I ever needed a planner that tells me how to deal with everything under the sun it is right now. God gave me several things while I read. One of the things that I saw was in chapter 4 verse 6 – Better to have one handful with quietness than two handfuls with hard work and chasing the wind. I guess I really have got to figure out ways to add quietness into my week. I know I didn’t have much time for that last week and it had gotten the better of me by the weeks end. I guess this kind of addresses the “where can I leave something off” question – because I am going to have to leave something off of my “want to” if I am going to find any quiet.
Then there was Ecc. 5:3 –“ Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a fool.” Can I get an Amen? The few hours of sleep I felt like I did get last week were fitful. I want to be able to get the most out of my sleep this week . I don’t want to waste my precious down time stressing my brain and keeping it awake.
Next one that struck me was Ecc. 5:7 – “Talk is cheap, like daydreams and other useless activities. Fear God instead.” I found it interesting that the Bible calls day dreaming a “useless activity”. Surely I am not the only one who finds themselves sitting and just dreaming about how life could be different if. . . I didn’t have to work, had more money, was better organized, could lose about 30 pounds, look like her, had a husband like that, had children who did that. . . the list goes on and on depending on who you have found today to compare yourself with. God calls it “useless activity” – well there is one thing I can cut out of my week.
The last one I will share with you probably stuck with me the most. It was Ecc. 5:20 – “God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.” Well the one question I had the hardest time writing down this morning was “why Lord did you decide to move Kevin back to 2nd shift right now?” I felt guilty about even asking it – but I know He knows I feel it anyway so I should ask it. I remember even stopping after I wrote it and said out loud “Lord – I don’t mean this in a cruel and bratty way – I am just so tired and I really wish he could help me out.” Well when I read this verse I felt like God was giving me an answer to this question. You see all the things he has made my life so busy with are wonderful things. I really would not ever choose to complain about watching my daughter dance, seeing her dressed up in her prom dress, giving her a car, or watching my son play baseball. These are wonderful things. I don’t even feel the need to complain about all that I have to do around my house because I know that I am blessed to have a home. I am also grateful for the wonderful job I have and the wonderful people I work with. It has just been the intensity at which everything has been dumped on me at once that has gotten the best of me. However, this verse spoke to me today and was like God said I am just showing you all these blessings one right after the other so that you cannot broad over past mistakes. How can you broad over anything when you look at all these blessings I am giving you one right after the other. It was just what I needed to hear this morning.
Another reason I needed to hear it is because I found out something about myself this weekend. I can take just about anything and stay on plan except exhaustion. Every single day – I stayed on plan without fault until the end of the week – the end of the day. Friday, Saturday and Sunday around 9:30 I fell completely off the wagon with sugary foods. I was exhausted and I turned to candy bars and other sweets to make me feel better. I would even go as far to say that had I not had those 3 sugar fixes I would have gone to bed crying. However, I would have felt better now just crying it out. I ended up doing that this morning on the back porch anyway. The candy didn’t solve any of my problems or give me any encouragement or share with me any promises – but crying out to God on the porch this morning did. So this morning I begin again starting this week eating healthy and mostly out of the list of foods for the first set of 17 days. I am thankful that God still speaks and finds every question I ask Him worthy of an answer. I hope to be able to blog more this week as well. This really does give me the accountability that I need. I knew on those nights that didn’t end till midnight at I wouldn’t be blogging and that made it all too easy to eat one more sugary snack.
Today’s meals – oatmeal w/ apples, salad w/ chicken, yogurt, apple, carrots and dip, soy energy mix (soy nuts, almonds, dried cranberries mix, chicken w/ marinara and cheese, salad
Today’s exercise – none – I hate to say it but there was no time today for exercise with work, dinner and then a ballgame. I am not going to beat myself up about it. There is nothing I can do about it and I am choosing not to brood over it.
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